A clarification on my previous post on teaching character.

There seems to be a disconnect in some Christian circles when it comes to the bringing up of boys. I am constantly asking myself when I am correcting a behavior, "What is my ultimate goal in the correction? Do I want him to merely stop the offending behavior or do I want to get at his heart, so he can see what the effects of his actions have on those around him?" No, I do not want to raise a "sissy", but I do want to raise a boy, who will become a man that is SENSITIVE, GENTLE, and shows COMPASSION. And that's where the character training comes in. We are not teaching our children to be mindless drones, but we are teaching them the qualities that will enable them to have the right responses in even the most difficult of circumstances.

This was taken from my last post.

The disconnect I was talking about not only occurs in Christian circles, but I've also witnessed it in secular households, as well. The disconnect is in either training boys to be "tough" or training them to be "effeminate". I try to train my boys to be boys, while also letting them share their hearts with me and DH.

Folks, there is a middle ground between being a "sissy" and being "tough". It really breaks my heart to see little boys so cold and emotionless; no smiles and no joy, because they have been trained not to show any emotion.

It is okay for boys to have emotions; they are human. God made both male and female to have emotions. The problem lies in allowing uncontrolled emotions to run wild. My children are allowed to feel their feelings, they are not allowed, however, to exhibit bad behaviors or brings others down, because they are in a bad mood. This is usually exhibited by bullying or whining; two behaviors that are not allowed under any circumstance in our home.

When DH and I see that one of our sons is not handling a situation in the best way, we will pull them aside and seek to find out what is really going on in their hearts. We will talk them through having a better response and attitude. We will validate their feelings, while also helping them to stay in control of their emotions. We will teach them to have the right response.

This is why it is so important to have the hearts of your children. Let them come to you or your DH to share their thoughts and hearts. If its not you they feel safe sharing their hearts with, be sure that they will find someone to share it with. It is so important children share their hearts with their parents and not someone else.

Parents need to be the shelter to protect the hearts of their children, and their children need to know that. Good character starts from the heart and emanates outward.